Rhapsody on a Theme of Paganini

I have spent more time than any reasonable person ever should wondering how I'd adapt to various situations of preposterous improbability:

• Right arm lost to wood chipper; how quickly can I learn to write with my left? (I spent afternoons in the fall of one year in high school splitting and delivering cords of firewood.)
• Falsely accused of horrific crime by tyrannical regime; how do I prove my innocence? (Okay, this one is frighteningly possible in the current world. Might be worth updating my plans.)
• Accosted by determined, nymphomaniacal beauty; can I maintain my standards and teach her the law of chastity? (This was an adolescent boy scenario and let's be honest -- it didn't always end with gospel instruction.)
• Zombie apocalypse; fight or flee?
• Receive large amount of money that must be put to work in a single day; how do I optimize investments in such a short time?
• Travel back in time alone; can I use my knowledge of history, chemistry, physics, etc to ensure survival and possibly be named supreme ruler for life?

For most of these hypotheticals, there is no right or wrong answer. Obviously you have to fight the zombies because they just keep coming. But for the rest, these are really exercises in critical thinking, event-driven analysis, and justification for why my homework was illegible.

Thankfully, a new shirt addresses the last situation. I'm ordering two dozen so I will always have a clean one available. You just never know...