Tuesday, September 30, 2008

Thoughts That Occurred to Me Monday

For most people on Wall Street right now, doing our jobs is like sweeping the porch before a hurricane.

Why does Falco's version of Puttin' on the Ritz always go through my head when I'm on Park Avenue?

I married very, very well.

Am I a bad person because I find amusement on Rosh Hashanah by looking around the floor at people and thinking, "Not a Jew"? Is it worse because I do it using Adam Sandler's Chanukah Song voice?

Monday, September 22, 2008

An Important Question

In the last couple of weeks, two people informed me that they have discovered Delicious Animals. Welcome new blog participants! You’ve just increased readership by 100%. Now make some comments so all teh interwebz will know how cool and popular we are. You can begin by responding to my important question below.

Before we get to the important question below, I actually have an important music announcement. Unfortunately for you I’ve been too lazy to post the appropriate YouTube video. Consider this a placeholder so that if the mainstream media catch on to what I’m going to post before I get around to actually posting I can gloat in arrogant I-knew-it-firstness. Now on to business…

Will someone who carries change please explain to me why? I stood behind a woman at the deli today who took about twenty seconds to find a dime and two pennies in her wallet so she could exactly pay her $10.12 tab. If you’re spending that much for lunch, I have to believe you have the income or wealth to not be too concerned about fractions of a dollar. The customer locating and counting change is certainly not faster than the cashier, particularly when the ladies behind the registers in their lunchlady costumes are lightning fast. If the goal is to avoid getting more change, well then why carry it in the first place? Are you some kind of shopping nomad, doomed to roam from cash register to cash register with nary a place to toss the shiny refuse of a thousand financial transactions? I really don’t understand this behavior and am hoping for some enlightenment.

Not that you care, with your change-toting heart cold as a dime, but my system is better. Pennies are dropped in a large glass jar (I think it was originally a vase that contained flowers given to a former colleague; she got the better end of that deal as I believe her contribution to the relationship was a raging case of Syphilis) behind the monitors on my desk. At year end, they are contributed toward the bonus of the most junior person on my team. This year those pennies may the only source of Hanukkah income young Christopher receives given how business is trending. Non-pennies go into a drawer where they wait for me to haul them home en masse as bribes for my children. No wasted time at cash registers, no searching for that elusive nickel needed to get exactly $0.32, no fuss at all.

Defend yourselves change mongers.

Tuesday, September 02, 2008

Heh roh?

I’m sure I don’t have the whole story (and am too busy to research further right now), but this struck me as odd…

While going downstairs to fetch my lunch today, I read on the screen displaying ads and random bits of news in the elevator that Japanese police were trying to determine if they were the victims of a hoax after discovering that the body they found in a sleeping bag and took to the medical examiner was a doll. (I’d hate to know how displeased they would be by that run-on sentence.) (Or my overuse of parenthetical comments.)

How likely do you think it is that a police squad befuddled by proper mannequin disposal methods will be able to find whomever pranked them?