What Should Daniel Do?
I need your help.
My desk is trying to hire someone. We're offering more money than a junior person needs, potential to become a partner in the business down the road, and the opportunity to learn a lot. We don't yell all that much and everyone has good hygiene. Basically a great Wall Street job.
This week we've received about forty resumes. Based on my recruiting experience I get the fun job of reviewing them all and deciding who we're going to interview. While reading resumes this afternoon, I came across the following:
Candidate Name
Candidate address, more candidate phone numbers than I'll ever need, candidate email
Objective
To secure a position with a company in which I can significantly bestow my extensive knowledge of the financial industry as well as contribute to a company's growth.
I assume the resume continues on from there with work experience, education, and other stuff that the candidate would probably really like me to read. Unfortunately for the candidate I seriously have no idea what the rest of the page contains as once I stopped laughing I put the resume down in order to post this.
Here's where you come in.
Which of the following should I do?
1 - Share this comment and the chuckling which is sure to ensue with the other people on my desk
2 - Be afraid of anything this candidate may "significantly bestow"
3 - Stop being such a jerk and finish reading the resume
4- Trash the resume immediately as anyone who so thoroughly abuses English in a formal document is hopeless
5 - Chalk the objective statement up to bad high school resume writing advice and ignore it
6 - Immediately offer the candidate an interview due to a highly tuned sense of the ridiculous
I will wait until Tuesday of next week, then proceed based on the comments you provide.
My desk is trying to hire someone. We're offering more money than a junior person needs, potential to become a partner in the business down the road, and the opportunity to learn a lot. We don't yell all that much and everyone has good hygiene. Basically a great Wall Street job.
This week we've received about forty resumes. Based on my recruiting experience I get the fun job of reviewing them all and deciding who we're going to interview. While reading resumes this afternoon, I came across the following:
Candidate Name
Candidate address, more candidate phone numbers than I'll ever need, candidate email
Objective
To secure a position with a company in which I can significantly bestow my extensive knowledge of the financial industry as well as contribute to a company's growth.
I assume the resume continues on from there with work experience, education, and other stuff that the candidate would probably really like me to read. Unfortunately for the candidate I seriously have no idea what the rest of the page contains as once I stopped laughing I put the resume down in order to post this.
Here's where you come in.
Which of the following should I do?
1 - Share this comment and the chuckling which is sure to ensue with the other people on my desk
2 - Be afraid of anything this candidate may "significantly bestow"
3 - Stop being such a jerk and finish reading the resume
4- Trash the resume immediately as anyone who so thoroughly abuses English in a formal document is hopeless
5 - Chalk the objective statement up to bad high school resume writing advice and ignore it
6 - Immediately offer the candidate an interview due to a highly tuned sense of the ridiculous
I will wait until Tuesday of next week, then proceed based on the comments you provide.
5 Comments:
This is hard. My head says #4, but my heart goes with #1. Either way, I'm not so charitable am I? You could go with option 7 -- which is to hire the candidate on the spot w/out interview, then take bets on how long he/she will last. You could even build a model projecting how much comedy you could expect at his/her expense.
Oh, and BTW...happy birthday Babe!
i seriously considered including your option 7, but was overcome by my fear that i'd actually have to work with the person for the next couple years.
thanks for pointing out i share a birthday with the famous talking pig. i love celebrity birthday trivia.
You are a pig? Huh? Okay...
Daniel - My Great Brother,
First, a very happy birthday to you! In the words of Monty Python, I bake cookies "in your general direction" - which is much nicer than MP.
Second, your dilemma is indeed great. But I wonder which part of the candidate's statement you enjoy more; the 'bestow' part or the 'significant' part? While the 'significant' may be their attempt at standing out in a vast sea of resumes, the 'bestow' seems more like the efforts of someone who took ESL Resume Writing 101. You know how those translations go.
As for advice, you don't really want mine. I would take the easy way out. Just toss and move on. Not much joviality in that solution. I'm sure whatever you do, your co-workers will get a laugh, because, well, you're funny.
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